originally posted 8/7/20
“Kirk and the crew rescue Harry Mudd and three ‘mail order brides’ from his matchmaking service. Mudd tries to stop Kirk from bringing him to justice.”
Quick note on episode numbers - I’m not counting The Cage, because a) I didn’t watch it in this rewatch, and b) it didn’t air until 1988, although parts were used in The Menagerie. It’s a bit arbitrary but there’s nothing official about these recaps, just me trying to entertain my friends 😁
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Uhura’s uniform is gold this episode - that’s weird.
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Crewman Farrell is Steve Buscemi ugly without having Steve Buscemi talent.
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Sulu just referenced their “lithium crystals.” No dilithium yet, then.
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Enter Harry Mudd, with his pirate shirt and my dad’s mustache from 1982.
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Enter the eponymous women, in the most 60s of sci-fi outfits. They blew their lens Vaseline budget with this episode.
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Ick. Bones and Scotty are staring like total horndogs. Ew ew ew.
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Mudd declared Spock to be “part-Vulcanian.” OK. I also don’t know what this accent is he’s doing. Irish? Pirate? Made up for the show?
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Mudd et al enter while Kirk’s back is turned, so naturally he dramatically stops speaking when he sees the ladies, because LADIES.
I swear, the short-haired blonde is just wearing a strategically-wrapped sparkly purple shawl. With gladiator sandals. As one does.
He describes them as “three unusual females.” Don’t go full incel, Captain.
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OK, I do like how Kirk owns Mudd by straight up calling him a liar. No mincing of words.
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The male crew members are being SO GROSS about the women. Stop thinking with your glands!
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I kinda dig the dark-haired one’s green dress, but only because I think I look good in green. It’s possible I don’t, considering I feel like I look like a bipedal cane toad most days.
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Yeeg. The ladies are choosing their targets. The brunette is staring at Bones, and the short-haired blonde is staring at Scotty. Neither has had any lines yet. The long-haired blonde is going to go for Kirk, I’m sure.
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The ship is running on batteries because the lithium crystals are broken. Mudd is happy because they’re going to marry the women off to lithium miners and take over the ship? What?
Nope, they’re going after the officers as planned.
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The dark-haired one is in sickbay putting the moves on McCoy. His medical equipment is acting weird but he’s only moderately interested.
The long-haired blonde is in Kirk’s quarters because the men were “following her with their eyes.” Very self-aware, script. The men are all “lonely” despite all the female crew members aboard. But she decides not to seduce Kirk, because she isn’t cool with the ethics of what’s going on.
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McCoy suspects something is up. And he’s right, because in Mudd’s quarters the ladies are getting ugly. Mudd can’t find whatever it is that makes them pretty. Turns out it’s pills, and they get pretty again as soon as they take them.
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The lithium miners don’t want to sell the crystals, they want to trade them for the women. Ok. At least Kirk agrees that’s fucked up.
Welp. He agreed to trade the women but now the movers are stalling. What? They want to get laid first? What?
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SLOW MOTION BARFIGHT!
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Eve (the long-haired blonde) runs out into the Rigel 12 storm and Kirk attempts to find her, but can’t. They’re back on the Enterprise using the sensors to find her, but it’s draining the batteries.
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Childers, the head miner, found Eve and brought her back to his hut. The ship is down to 43 minutes of power, and that’s WEIRD. The Enterprise-D never ran out of power.
Eve is cooking for Childers. He doesn’t want to admit she’s a good cook. They’re bickering, which means they like each other. Although now she’s “ugly” again (aka no makeup or lens Vaseline). Kirk finds them and makes Mudd admit he’s been giving them the “Venus drug” to make her pretty.
She takes the Venus drug and asks Childers if he wants a wife who will help him by cooking and sewing, or a pretty wide who will be vain and needy. Kirk then reveals what she took was a fake, and she’s pretty now because she believes she is. Which is all well and good, but there’s no fake Venus drug to myself believe I’m not the aforementioned bipedal cane toad, so...
Childers is giving them the crystals because Eve is both beautiful and helpful. She reminds Kirk that he’s in love with the Enterprise. He leaves with Mudd, and despite Mudd’s plea to be left on Rigel 12, they take him to the authorities anyway.
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Spock declares love to be annoying. McCoy points out that Spock’s heart is where his liver should be. Spock is pleased to have a different internal structure. Kirk is mildly amused by this. And we move on to the next adventure.
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