“Kirk, McCoy, Scotty, and Uhura find themselves in a mirror universe aboard a parallel Enterprise run by barbarians.”
Ah, yes. The episode that launched a thousand plot lines...and not all of them good...
***
We open on a planet where Kirk is being told by a group of people dressed like Roman aristocrats, the Halkans, that they can’t mine for dilithium on their planet, because Starfleet is a military organization and this planet’s culture is one of total peace. Their leader tells Kirk that they have the might to force them to give up the dilithium, and Kirk replies that they won’t.
Meanwhile, there’s an ion storm going on. When the landing party beams up, they appear on a different Enterprise, wearing different uniforms, and are greeted by Spock...with a goatee of evil!
Evil Spock asks Kirk about the mission status, then orders Sulu to fire on the Halkans. He then upbraids Kyle, the transporter chief, for having problems beaming the landing party through the ion storm, and demands his agonized. He zaps Kyle and we cut to the intro.
***
Kirk makes an excuse for the landing party to go directly to sick bay, where they can talk in private. Once there, Scotty speculates that the ion storm interfered with the transporter and sent them somewhere else. Kirk determines it to be a parallel universe.
He sends Scotty to engineering to both figure out this universe’s technology and sabotage the phasers to stop the attack on the planet, then sends Uhura to the bridge to find out what his orders are. She hesitates, but Kirk tells her she’s the only one who can do it.
On the bridge, Evil Sulu with the world’s fakest facial scar sleazes over to Uhura to make a move, but she slaps him. Kirk arrives and Uhura quietly gives him his orders from Starfleet - to destroy the Halkans.
Scotty is unable to sabotage the phasers, so Kirk has to improvise - he contacts the Halkans and says they have twelve hours to comply. Evil Spock cautions him that he’s putting himself in danger, but Kirk says the Halkans may have more than just dilithium to offer, and has Uhura summon Scotty and McCoy to his quarters.
Meanwhile, Evil Chekov does something sketchy on his console.
Kirk exits the bridge, taking the turbolift with Evil Chekov, who creepily asks him if he wants deck 5. When they reach deck 5, Kirk steps off the turbolift and us immediately popped in the nose with a palm heel strike. It seems Chekov has a squad, and if he kills Kirk, they all go up in rank.
Unfortunately, Chekov didn’t vet his henchmen very well, because one turns on him and kills his henchmen. Then Kirk’s own henchmen show up to take Chekov to “the booth.” The one who turned on Chekov asks Kirk if he’ll make him an officer. Kirk says yes, he might even make captain. Then he punched him and says “not on my ship!” It doesn’t seem like a great choice, punching the guy who just saved him, but ok.
In Kirk’s quarters, Scotty reports that Evil Sulu is the security chief, which he compares to the Gestapo. McCoy says sick bay is a torture chamber. Kirk asks the computer if a parallel universe is possible, and how to switch places with their parallel universe counterparts. Evidently this is an easy one for the computer because it records the procedure to a disk, which Kirk hands over to Scotty.
McCoy wonders what kind of people their mirror counterparts are, so Kirk asks the computer. Evidently Evil Kirk became captain by assassinating Captain Pike, and one of his first actions was to kill 5000 colonists. So yeah, they’re evil too. McCoy then wonders what the evil counterparts are doing, and we cut to some EPIC SHATNERING as Evil Kirk is dragged to the brig by security. He then tried to buy Spock off, but Spock merely declared this to be fascinating and leaves him and the other mirror counterparts in the brig.
***
Kirk goes to the mirror Enterpriss’s brig and sees Evil Chekov being tortured in the agony booth. Evil Spock points out that Chekov deserves death for the attempted assassination, but Kirk says he hasn’t decided. Spock warns him again that his unusual behavior is dangerous, and that he would prefer to remain first officer. Kirk says Spock would find him a formidable enemy, and Spock replied that he would be one, too. He leaves, and Kirk orders Chekov released from the booth and confined to quarters.
Kirk returns to his quarters and is surprised by a woman in a skimpy blue uniform asleep on his bed. She wakes up and asks him what his brilliant scheme is this time. Before anything can happen, Spock contacts Kirk and says he’s received orders from Starfleet Command to give him until dawn to kill the Halkans, and if he doesn’t, Spock is ordered to kill Kirk and take over the ship.
Evil Kirk’s girlfriend, Marlena, appears to exist solely for exposition. We now learn through her that Kirk has a thing called Tantalus Field, which can target and vaporize people at a distance. She wants to use it against Spock, but Kirk says no. She’s impressed that he isn’t afraid of Spock or Starfleet Command, but wants to know where she fits in. He asks where she wants to to fit in, and she slinks flirtatiously away.
Kirk then contacts Scotty to warn him they only have 3 hours to get back to their universe, but Scotty says it’s more like half an hour, because technology. He asks Kirk to give him ten minutes, then go to the transporter room to transfer power.
Meanwhile, Spock’s computer notifies him that there are hijinks going on in engineering, involving Kirk and Scotty. He then realizes Sulu is monitoring his computer activity. Sulu suggests they collaborate, but Spock points out he doesn’t want to be captain. If he becomes captain anyway, making Sulu first officer, he cautions Sulu that his operatives would avenge his death, and some of them are Vulcans. Sulu appears suitably chastened.
***
Kirk is preparing to go to the transporter room when Marlena returns, wearing what is allegedly a sexy getup but happens to cover way more of her body than her uniform. She tried to seduce Kirk, but he has to leave. She takes this as a breakup, but he kisses her. Then she gets suspicious, but he says she’s the captain’s woman until he says she isn’t, so I guess problem solved? Maybe not - she reactivates the Tantalus Field after he leaves and watches him.
Kirk contacts Uhura and has her distract Sulu. Naturally, the only way is to put the moves on Sulu. She does this, but as soon as she sees that the power transfer is complete, she tells him she’s changed her mind again. Sulu gets angry, but she pulls a knife and heads to the transporter room.
Evil Spock confronts Kirk in the transporter room and orders him to sick bay, where Spock can question McCoy. This does not go to plan, as the entire landing party (Uhura included) jumps him. Ultimately, Kirk beats Spock by bashing him over the head with a skull Uhura hands him.
They have 15 minutes to transport to the real Enterprise, but McCoy examines Spock and determined he’ll die without immediate treatment. Scotty objects, but Bones says it’ll only take a minute, and Kirk agrees to let him treat Spock.
Marlena is watching all this remotely.
Then Sulu enters with a team of redshirts. He says that Spock has orders to kill Kirk, but it will appear that Kirk also killed Spock after a fierce battle, leaving Sulu in command.
Suddenly, one of the redshirts disappears. Marlena is using the Tantalus Field. They disappear one by one until Sulu is alone, and she shuts down the field. Sulu then attempts to fight Kirk but is quickly defeated.
Scotty says they only have 10 minutes, but McCoy is still working on Spock. He says to go ahead and he’ll be there in 5 minutes. Kirk, Scotty, and Uhura exit. Spock wakes up and demands to know why Kirk spared him. Bones doesn’t answer, so Spock mind melds with him.
***
Marlena is waiting in the transporter room. She wants Kirk to take her with him, but he says he can’t. She pulls a phaser, but Uhura has Had. It. and easily disarms her.
Scotty announces the power has been cut, and while they can use auxiliary power, they can’t have it on a timer - someone will have to operate the controls manually. He volunteers to stay, but Kirk orders him and Uhura onto the pad.
Spock enters with McCoy, and says he’s the one who cut the power. He orders the power back on so they can return. Kirk tells him that he can change the Empire, and about the Tantalus Field. Spock days he’ll consider it, and activates the transporter.
***
On the regular Enterprise bridge, McCoy says he liked Spock better with a beard. Spock replies that the mirror counterparts were brutal, savage, treacherous, and uncivilized - the very flower of Homo sapiens. Kinda glad Spock got Bones back for all the speciesist jabs in the first season. And then a new lieutenant enters - Marlena Moreau, who was just assigned last week. Welp.
***
So this was a pretty iconic episode. It was definitely fun to see the characters acting completely against type, and I was very glad Uhura had more to do this episode. I’m less thrilled about how often the Mirror Universe started showing up in DS9 and Discovery, though. Like, I think I only liked one mirror episode of DS9, and they kind of overdid it in Discovery, even if it did mean more Michelle Yeoh.
Then again, it also gave us an episode of MST3K, so...
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