“The Enterprise lands on a planet where everyone becomes very passive and affectionate toward one another. Kirk soon learns the cause.”
So this episode opens with a pretty normal-looking bridge scene, but as soon as the planet Omicron Ceti III appears on the viewscreen, there’s a sudden dramatic music sting. Turns out Uhura has been trying to contact the colony there with no response, and a newly-discovered and very deadly form of radiation has been hitting the planet for three years. Spock tells Kirk that animal tissue disintegrates within a week under this radiation, but limited exposure should be reasonably safe.
Kirk and a landing party beam down to what is clearly a ranch in California. There is no sign of life. Kirk laments “another dream that failed.” But his sad monologue is interrupted by three entirely not-dead men in green jumpsuits. Their leader is Elias Sandoval, the leader of the colony.
Sandoval explains that their communication system doesn’t work but no one on the colony knows how to fix it. He insists on giving them a tour.
McCoy says that in his opinion, Sandoval is alive. Spock says there’s no way a human could survive more than a week in the radiation. Sulu asks if it’s possible that he isn’t actually alive, because it’s Star Trek and that’s the right question to ask, but McCoy dismisses that by saying Kirk shook his hand so he must be alive. Spock insists it isn’t possible, but Kirk tells them they’re debating in a vacuum.
Sandoval leads them to a house and explains that the colonists split up into smaller groups in case of disease. We then cut to one of the dumbest shots I’ve seen so far: the next character they’re going to introduce, Leila, is literally waiting for her cue to step forward. I mean, she is literally standing in the middle of a room, waiting, and on cue she takes a step forward. She doesn’t enter from another room or come around a corner, she’s just standing in the middle of a room not doing anything and steps forward when the director tells her to. It’s clumsy and stupid and unrealistic. It doesn’t help that she’s 60s-blonde and has a completely vacant expression.
Then she sees Spock and romantic music starts playing. Spock stares back at her, and she tells everyone she and Spock have met before. No time for explanations though. Sandoval begins explaining the colony. They have no vehicles or weapons, just peace and harmony.
***
Sulu and another crewman wearing a uniform clearly intended for someone shorter are exploring around a barn. Sulu poses on a fence next to a super fake-looking plant and says he doesn’t know the first thing about farms. As he says this, the fake plant turns toward him without him noticing.
Lt. Tinyshirt says the barn is just for storage, with no evidence of horses or cows. Sulu realizes they haven’t seen any animals at all, not even a dog.
Rewatching the scene to make sure I saw the plant move, I realized Sulu’s uniform top, while better-fitting, appears to be very badly constructed. The bottom hem sticks out weirdly and the top seam on his left shoulder is messed up. The collar seam looks weirdly wrinkled, too. I don’t know if it’s funky fabric or a badly-done rush job, but if a non-costumer like me is seeing it, somebody done fucked up.
***
Back on the farmhouse, Leila is waiting for Sandoval’s line before saying anything. So we get an oddly long shot of her smiling vacantly after nothing before Sandoval says “You know the Vulcanian?” Clearly we’re still using “Vulcanian” this episode. Then she changed expression in order to participate in the scene. Who tf edited this?
She tells Sandoval that she loved Spock but he didn’t love her back. He asks if she wants him to stay, and she says he has no choice now.
***
McCoy examined various members of the colony and determines that they’re all in perfect health. Meanwhile, Spock confirms that there is no animal life on the planet, just the colonists and various plants. Kirk tells McCoy that the colonists did bring animals with them, but none of them have survived, evidently.
Sandoval takes Kirk to see the fields while McCoy continues his examinations. He tells Kirk that they can grow anything in this soil, and rains are regular. He says it’s perfect farmland. Then he has to get back to his duties. Another crewman comes up to Kirk and says yeah, they can grow anything, but have only planted just enough to sustain the colony with no extra.
McCoy contacts Kirk with a “there’s something you need to see” message, because of course. He could just tell him but the writers needed to end the scene
Back in the farmhouse, McCoy has compared Sandoval’s medical records to the scan he did two hours ago. It appears Sandoval’s appendix has grown back. Kirk asks if the medical tricorder is malfunctioning and McCoy says he scanned himself and his tonsils remain missing, so Sandoval’s appendix has no business coming back.
***
Spock is scanning a crop while Leila watches creepily. Spock says he doesn’t understand why the radiation isn’t affecting the colonists, and she says it will be explained later. Spock says he doesn’t understand why women won’t answer a straight question, which is a shitty thing to say, and Leila mechanically approaches as if she isn’t sure which leg to start with and says she never understood Spock until now.
Spock tries to ask how the colonists survived, and she’s still trying to get him to open up about his emotions. He says emotions are alien to him because he’s a scientist, so I’m guessing the whole “Vulcanian” thing is still a mystery to the writers of this episode. But eventually Leila leads him away and the scene ends.
***
Sandoval is staring out the window of the farmhouse while Kirk explains that Starfleet Command has ordered Kirk to evacuate the colonists. Sandoval refuses to leave. He says they’re in prefect health, but Kirk asks why all the animals died. Sandoval says it’s unimportant, they won’t leave, and goes back to staring out the window.
***
Leila is showing Spock one of the creepy plants, and says it gives life and peace. She says she was one of the first to find them, and their spores. Spock says “Spores?” And the creepy plant instantly ejaculates confetti all over his face. He goes into some kind of seizure, and Leila says it wasn’t supposed to hurt. But eventually he comes out of it and the romantic music starts up. Leila says he’s one of them now, and Spock says he loves her. They kiss and we cut to commercial.
***
Sandoval is still refusing to evacuate. Kirk tells Sulu to arrange landing parties to start the evacuation, but Sulu and DeSalle (the crewman who noticed they didn’t have enough crops) are missing. Kirk tries to contact Spock, but he’s now wearing a colonist jumpsuit and looking at clouds with Leila. He says one looks like a dragon. Leila says she’s never seen a dragon, which is kind of a stupid thing to say because they don’t exist, but Spock says he saw one on Berengaria VII, because space dragons. Also, all planets must have numbers.
Spock has never stopped to look at clouds or rainbows. Evidently he’s super high right now. Leila picks up Spock’s communicator so he can answer it, but he refuses Kirk’s order to begin the evacuation and report back to Kirk.
McCoy says that doesn’t sound like Spock, and they argue about whether or not McCoy wanted Spock to “mellow out a little.”
Kirk puts McCoy in charge of organizing the evacuation, and orders everyone to work in teams of two. Something is up.
***
Kirk, Sulu, and Lt. Tinyshirt go to find Spock. They find his communicator and then hear him laughing. He’s hanging upside-down in a tree, goofing around with Leila. Kirk orders him back to the settlement, but Spock says there will be no evacuation. Kirk has Sulu arrest Spock, who agrees to go back to the settlement to get Kirk “straightened out.”
He leads them to a patch of the fake plants, which launch confetti into their faces. Sulu and Tinyshirt are affected, but Kirk isn’t.
Meanwhile, DeSalle comes back with two of the fake plants and wants McCoy to look at them. When Kirk arrives, McCoy, under the influence of the spores, is extra-Southern and calls Kirk “Jimmy boy.” They’ve been beaming up plants to take over the Enterprise.
Kirk beams up and tells Uhura to put him through to Starfleet. She says she can’t do that, because spores. She’s disabled all communications except ship to surface. Also, another costuming note - her butt is literally coming out the bottom of her skirt this episode, and while her skirts have always been short, she usually has at least another inch or two.
Kirk finds a plant in the bridge and throws it. He then goes back to the transporter room and finds a line of crew members waiting to beam down. He orders them back to their posts, but they refuse. He declares it to be mutiny and they agree.
***
Kirk doesn’t know why he’s the only one not affected. He’s trying to talk to McCoy, who agrees that his tonsils have grown back and asks if Kirk has ever had a Georgia-style mint julep.
Kirk beams back down and Spock explains that the plants thrive on the radiation and need human hosts. In return, the protect the humans from the radiation and keep them healthy. They encourage Kirk to join them, but he refuses.
Back aboard the now-empty Enterprise, Kirk records a log entry saying he can’t fly the Enterprise alone, so he’s effectively marooned. Just then, the plant he threw shoots him in the face, and Kirk prepares to beam back down to join the colony. He packs some things and opens a panel by pressing a series of buttons that make the weirdest musical popping noises. He takes out a medal, which evidently starts a process in his brain that culminates in a bunch of really weird faces and a declaration that he can’t leave. He snaps out of the spore-induced stupor and realizes violent emotions are the key.
Kirk convinces Spock to beam back to the Enterprise under the pretext of helping to bring down some equipment. Once Spock is aboard, Kirk starts insulting him, his parents, and his species. This culminates in a slow-motion fight, but it works to get Spock back to normal. They begin working on a signal to broadcast to the surface to snap the rest of the crew out of the spores’ influence.
On the surface, Leila is blankly staring at the sky and waiting for Spock. McCoy offers her his communicator, and she asks if she can beam aboard because she’s “never seen a starship before,” which makes me wonder exactly how the actual fuck she arrived in this planet. He agrees and beams her aboard.
Once aboard, Leila realizes Spock is back to normal. She begs him to come back but he refuses. Then she realizes the spores aren’t controlling her either now that she’s had her breakup with Spock. She asks if Spock has a last name, and he says she couldn’t pronounce it.
***
Kirk and Spock finish the signal and broadcast it. It makes everyone irritable and they all start fighting, except McCoy, who seems to have found a mint julep. But then Sandoval tells McCoy they don’t need a doctor so he can’t be one anymore, and McCoy says “want to see just how fast I can put you in a hospital?” After the shortest scuffle of all time (basically Sandoval lunges, McCoy punches him in the liver, and it’s over), Sandoval realizes they’ve accomplished nothing on the colony. He agrees to the evacuation.
Aboard the Enterprise, McCoy declares everyone to be in perfect health. He says it’s the second time man has been expelled from paradise. Kirk disagrees and says this time they left willingly. He then says Spock hasn’t said much about his time on the planet, and Spock says there’s not much to say, except that fir the first time in his like, he was happy.
***
So this is another interesting concept/poor execution episode, which is especially disappointing because it’s DC Fontana. I liked the attempted exploration of Spock’s emotional side, but it wasn’t especially well-done. Leila was barely a character - she existed solely for Spock to react to. Combining that with her vacuous performance and generic-60s-blonde look, I kinda wanted to throw her out a window. Also, her voice was simpering and weak.
The technical weirdness, like the costuming errors and actually showing the moment the director called “action” really took me out of the episode, too.
Sulu, however, was a bright spot as always.
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