My life to date

Grade school:

Me:  I like kittens and rainbows and unicorns...

Other kids:  You're fat and ugly and we don't like you!

Me:  ...

At home:

Dad:  How was your day?

Me:  They're mean to me:

Dad:  You must have done something to deserve it.

Me:  (internally) Maybe I'm fat and ugly...

Next day:

Me:  I like kittens and rainbows and unicorns...

Other kids:  You're fat and ugly and we don't like you!

Me:  I'm awesome and I don't like you either!

Other kids:  No, you're fat and ugly and we don't care because it's funny that you're mad!

Me (to teacher): They're picking on me!

Teacher:  I didn't see it so it didn't happen.

At home:

Dad:  How was your day?

Me:  They keep picking on me and the teacher doesn't believe me.

Dad:  If the teacher doesn't believe you you must be imagining it.

Me:  (internally) There must be something wrong with me.

Junior high:

Me:  I like Star Trek.  Captain Picard doesn't judge me!

Other kids:  You're still fat and ugly and we don't like you.  And all us boys got together and decided you're permanently un-dateworthy.

Me:  Even though I'm doing the Koosh-ball bangs thing?

Other kids:  Even though it's identical to the hair of *popular girl*, you're fat and ugly and mean so it looks stupid on you.

Later:

Dad:  How was school?

Me (lying): Fine.

Dad:  Ok.  Let me tell you at length about generators, and also your mother is a whore.

Me (internally): Women are bad.  Don't be feminine.  Don't be like Mom.

High school:

Me:  I like cynicism and sarcasm and dark comedy...

Other kids:  You're still fat and ugly and unfuckable and we hate you.

Me:  ALL the middle fingers!

Later:

Dad:  How was your day?

Me (lying): Fine

Dad:  Here's my day to the minutest detail. Also, women are crazy and your mother's still a whore.

Me (internally): At least I'm not crazy like Mom.  Or a whore.

College:

Friend:  Want to go out?

Me (not interested but not sure what to do): Um...I don't know...

Friend:  We're friends so you have to!

Me (internally): I'm not comfortable with this but it's my only shot.  I'm fat and ugly and no one will ever want me.

14 years of marriage later:

Marriage counselor:  You were never bullied.  You just want to get your way.

Me: ...

...

...

ALL the middle fingers!