I bought a snail.
I actually went into a store and gave them money, actual real currency, in exchange for a snail.
Think about this. I got in my truck, drove to the pet store, actually had to approach a salesperson and ask if they in fact carried snails, chose a snail (CHOSE A SNAIL, think about that), had her bag it up and then paid real actual money for the privilege of bringing home my new pet gastropod.
Did you know snails cost three dollars? That's a thing I know now. I'm going to know that forever now.
I bought a snail.
*sigh*
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