Me: I like kittens and rainbows and unicorns...
Other kids: You're fat and ugly and we don't like you!
Me: ...
At home:
Dad: How was your day?
Me: They're mean to me:
Dad: You must have done something to deserve it.
Me: (internally) Maybe I'm fat and ugly...
Next day:
Me: I like kittens and rainbows and unicorns...
Other kids: You're fat and ugly and we don't like you!
Me: I'm awesome and I don't like you either!
Other kids: No, you're fat and ugly and we don't care because it's funny that you're mad!
Me (to teacher): They're picking on me!
Teacher: I didn't see it so it didn't happen.
At home:
Dad: How was your day?
Me: They keep picking on me and the teacher doesn't believe me.
Dad: If the teacher doesn't believe you you must be imagining it.
Me: (internally) There must be something wrong with me.
Junior high:
Me: I like Star Trek. Captain Picard doesn't judge me!
Other kids: You're still fat and ugly and we don't like you. And all us boys got together and decided you're permanently un-dateworthy.
Me: Even though I'm doing the Koosh-ball bangs thing?
Other kids: Even though it's identical to the hair of *popular girl*, you're fat and ugly and mean so it looks stupid on you.
Later:
Dad: How was school?
Me (lying): Fine.
Dad: Ok. Let me tell you at length about generators, and also your mother is a whore.
Me (internally): Women are bad. Don't be feminine. Don't be like Mom.
High school:
Me: I like cynicism and sarcasm and dark comedy...
Other kids: You're still fat and ugly and unfuckable and we hate you.
Me: ALL the middle fingers!
Later:
Dad: How was your day?
Me (lying): Fine
Dad: Here's my day to the minutest detail. Also, women are crazy and your mother's still a whore.
Me (internally): At least I'm not crazy like Mom. Or a whore.
College:
Friend: Want to go out?
Me (not interested but not sure what to do): Um...I don't know...
Friend: We're friends so you have to!
Me (internally): I'm not comfortable with this but it's my only shot. I'm fat and ugly and no one will ever want me.
14 years of marriage later:
Marriage counselor: You were never bullied. You just want to get your way.
Me: ...
...
...
ALL the middle fingers!
