Different Aquarium, Hopefully More Successful

My mom got the small kid an aquarium for Christmas, and it has taken over my life.

Actually, it hasn't, because I'm stage managing right now and THAT has taken over my life, but the brief time when I am at home is ruled by a 10 gallon aquarium.  The fish get more attention than the dogs.  Poor dogs.

Initially, we filled it with water and waited for the chlorine to dissipate, and then when we went to buy fish, the girl at the pet store refused to sell us any because the tank hadn't cycled and they would die.  This is not a bad thing - it's bad for the fish, of course, and it's bad for the small kid, who loves all the living creatures.  So the small kid tried not to be disappointed (ice cream helped with this) and we added some bacteria to jump start the cycle, and waited.  And waited.  And WAITED.

After a few weeks I brought a water sample back to the pet store, but I didn't bring the small kid, because I didn't want to disappoint her again.  The ammonia was still too high but the girl said it would be fine in a few days.  That weekend, my mom and I took the kid back to the store to look for fish.  Again, the ammonia was slightly high, and none of the fish in the store looked particularly nice, so we left.

The small kid was doing her best to hide her disappointment again.  This time, however, we went to a different store and let her pick out four fish.  She was thrilled.  She picked three neon tetras (named Small, Medium, and Large) and a tequila sunrise guppy (Sunrise).

We also bought a testing kit.  This has been the problem.  It's way too much fun to play scientist with all the little test tubes and chemicals, and I discovered that the pH was ridiculously high for these particular fish.  I was happy to discover that the ammonia was actually at a safe level after all, but I began to obsess over how to lower the pH.

Driftwood!  But where do you get driftwood?  Can you make your own?  Yes, if you want to wait a few months.  Peat moss pellets!  But do we have the kind of filter that I can add them to?  That pH lowering chemical I bought!  Oh hey, that's just sulfuric acid...yikes!  And why is the water level so low?  Evaporation!  It's raising the pH by leaving minerals behind!  Super awesome!

After another week we bought three more fish, this time another tequila sunrise guppy (Sunset), a turquoise guppy (Moonrise), and another neon (Anna).  The previous neons were renamed Small Headlight, Medium Bubble-Headlight, and Large McPufferson.  Everything was going well until we discovered Sunset floating head-down against the decorative rock.  He was given a burial at sea, at which time the small kid decided she would prefer to wrap the dead fish in Kleenex and bury them in the back yard.  Yeah.

While the small kid was away for the weekend, one of the neons died.  I thought it was Medium Bubble-Headlight, but on her return she informed me it was Anna.  Then she asked why I'd flushed it down the toilet again instead of waiting for her to come back so we could give it a proper burial, and I explained that I didn't want a dead fish sitting around the house for a few days.  We determined that in the future I could store the fish corpse in the freezer until we could have a funeral.  So yeah, don't open my freezer now unless you like unpleasant surprises.

More research.  Oh hey, I should be doing a 10-15% water change every week!  Oh hey, the pH in the bucket is perfect for these fish...let's do a water change!  I siphoned out about a gallon and replaced it with water from the refill bucket...and THEN I realized I should have tested everything first.  The pH had dropped from 8.2 to 6.8 and the ammonia went from 0.0 to 4.0.

I HAD DOOMED THE FISH!!

I spent the week dreading to check on the fish, knowing that I'd go in some morning and see them all belly up.  Somehow, magically, they survived...they're still swimming at this time.

(The surviving fish have since been renamed Ricky, Queen Stella, Gigi, Vivi, and Fishpants.)

Nightmare

I had a recurring nightmare as a kid, and it was stupid.

No, really, it was unbelievably stupid.

For some reason, and I have no idea where this came from except for the fact that I was maybe 4 years old, I would have this nightmare about a toilet that ate kids.  A kid would carry a toy into the bathroom and shut the door.  When the door was opened, the kid was gone and the toy would be floating all by itself in the toilet bowl.

This was, of course, terrifying.

One night it scared me enough that I had to call my mom into my room.  Once she was there, though, and asking me what was wrong, I realized that this nightmare was so dumb I couldn't possibly tell her.  I'd made enough of a fuss, though, that I had to tell her something.

I did the only possible thing:  I lied to my mother.

Thinking fast, I came up with the scariest thing I could slap together:  a bad witch showed up and made our house disappear.  It was the only thing as scary as a carnivorous toilet, and not at all embarrassing.

I told my story and waited.  Then I realized:  this is my mom.  At this age, your parents are infallible. She was going to see right through me.  I waited for my doom.

"That is scary, thinking all the familiar stuff is gone," she said.  SHE BOUGHT IT!  She bought my stupid lie without question!  I had stumbled upon a universal childhood fear and successfully convinced my mother that I hadn't been dreaming about killer toilets at all!

Of course, what I hadn't thought of was that it really is pretty scary to have a bad witch steal your house...

Mysterious Stranger

Sudden hand cramp while driving!  Oh no!  I pull up to the light and take off my glove, shaking my hand.  And then out of the corner of my eye I see movement - the guy in the next car is also shaking his hand and staring at me.  Awkwardly, I wave and look away.

Then he rolls his window down.

Great.  Can't be rude to the random stranger.  I crack my window as well.

Stranger:  I know what you're doing!  Your hand is cold!

Me: ...yeah!

Him:  Our heater broke this morning!

Me: ...I'm sorry to hear it!

Him:  Yeah, it's a cold day for it!  I hope they fix it by the time I get home!

Me:  Yeah, man, me too!  *light turns green*  Stay warm!  Happy new year!

This was followed with me driving very carefully so as to not end up stopped at a light with him again.